Tag: trauma healing

Healing Sexual Shame: Reconnecting with Your Body After Trauma
The following is a summary with key points of the video.

Understanding Sexual Shame After Trauma

Sexuality is a deeply personal and complex aspect of who we are. But for survivors of childhood sexual trauma, it can be layered with deep shame, confusion, and disconnection. If you’ve ever felt discomfort, avoidance, or even self-blame when it comes to sex and intimacy, you’re not alone. Healing sexual shame is a crucial part of reclaiming yourself and your body.

The shame that develops from sexual trauma is often rooted in early experiences, even before any physical violation occurs. Grooming behaviors, inappropriate comments, the way someone looked at you, and the messages (both subtle and overt) that come from media often plant the first seeds of discomfort and self-doubt. Over time, these experiences shape the way survivors view their bodies, relationships, and their very sense of self and self-worth.

How Shame Influences Sexuality and Healing

Shame resulting from sexual trauma manifests in many ways. Some survivors struggle with hypersexuality, using sex as a means of coping, while others disconnect from their sexuality entirely. Neither response is wrong—both are ways the nervous system tries to survive and make sense of past experiences. But no matter how it presents, shame often makes it difficult to feel safe in your own body.

For those who disclosed their abuse and received support early on, shame may be less pervasive. However, for those who were not believed, silenced, or left without validation, the impact tends to be deeper. Survivors often internalize the belief that their needs, desires, and boundaries don’t matter—an ingrained lesson from the abuse itself. This makes healing sexual shame a layered, delicate process that requires self-compassion and intentional healing work.

Can You Reconnect with Your Body After Trauma?

The short answer is yes. While healing sexual shame takes time, it is absolutely possible to rebuild a sense of safety, connection, and even pleasure within your body. Healing doesn’t always require revisiting every painful detail of the past. In fact, many aspects of healing unfold naturally through broader trauma recovery work.

That said, if certain memories or experiences repeatedly surface as evidence of why you feel ashamed, those may need to be addressed more directly. Shame thrives in secrecy, and speaking about these experiences—whether with a trusted therapist or in a safe, supportive space—can be a powerful step toward release.

Steps Toward Healing Sexual Shame
1. Acknowledge the Shame Without Judgment
  Recognizing the shame you carry is the first step in loosening its grip. Instead of avoiding or suppressing it, allow yourself to acknowledge it with curiosity and self-compassion.
2. Reconnect with Your Desires
  Healing sexual shame isn’t about having to undo the past; it’s about discovering what you want now. Take time to reflect on what intimacy, connection, and pleasure mean to you—without the influence of past trauma.
3. Cultivate Safety in Your Body
  Grounding techniques, somatic practices, and mindful self-touch (even non-sexual) can help rebuild trust between you and your body.
4. Seek Support from the Right People
  Not everyone will understand your experience, and that’s okay. Finding a childhood trauma therapist or a community of survivors can provide the validation and understanding needed for healing.
You Are Not Broken—You Are Healing

Healing sexual shame is a journey, but it is one worth taking. You deserve to feel safe, connected, and at peace with your body. While the process takes time, every step you take brings you closer to reclaiming your sexuality on your terms.

Have you faced shame around your body or sexuality? Share your thoughts in the comments below—your voice matters, and you are not alone.

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April 14, 2025
What I’m reminding myself about hope: Sexual Assault Awareness Month Reflection

As you are probably aware, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I’ve been sitting with what I want to say to acknowledge it for a couple of weeks.

To be honest, the words haven’t come easily.

I often talk about what is possible when we use our voices, both individually and collectively.

How we have the ability to end the shame and stigma and create safe spaces to show up vulnerably when we share our stories and struggles.

I talk about hope and oftentimes hold it for those who can’t yet trust it.

Whatever your experience, your age, or struggle, no matter how many times you’ve tried and believed you’ve failed, healing is possible.

But, this year, more than any other time, I’m speaking
as someone who’s struggling to hold it personally.

When someone who is a bully and had multiple, credible accusations of rape and abuse was elected 8 years ago, I remember the quiet devastation that settled in my body. It wasn’t political, it was deeply personal.

I work with survivors of sexual trauma every day. I see the lifelong work it takes to feel safe in their bodies again. I walk beside people as they learn to trust themselves, their voices, and their worth. That’s why it felt like such an incredible betrayal to humanity.

What do you say to the people you’ve helped believe in their power, when the country elects a man who abuses his?

What do you do when your own hope feels threatened?

And now, years later, here we are again.

A culture that still doesn’t believe survivors, even when a jury holds the perpetrator accountable.

A system that protects power instead of people.

An entire half of the government falling in line with a man who has a long record of racism and misogyny feeling their power expand with every act of cruelty.

So yes, there are days I wonder…

Have I been wrong to believe we can change things?

Have I misled people by sharing what I believe and stories of healing, truth, and hope?

But then… something small reminds me.

The client who shares her story out loud for the first time.

The friend who shares her struggle, even when it’s uncomfortable.

The survivor who says, “I didn’t think I could feel this way.”

The person who speaks out when someone says a rape joke.

The moments of softness and connection in a world so loud.

These are not small things.

They are seismic shifts. Not always felt or seen at the time, but cracks that let the light… and hope back in.

So, today, I’m not writing this from a place of nicely wrapped up hope. I’m writing from the messy middle, where hope and heartbreak live side by side.

Where truth-telling is an act of resistance.

Where staying tender is a quiet revolution.

Where holding on to hope isn’t about “positive vibes”, it’s about fierce commitment to what can be, even when we’re surrounded by what should never have been.

If you’ve had moments (or months) of feeling tired, disillusioned, or heartbroken, I want you to know…

You are not naive for hoping for more.

You are not weak for needing rest or using distraction as a way of coping.

You are not alone in your pain or fears.

This month, and every month, may we keep imagining something different.

May we keep honoring the stories that were silenced.

May we keep holding one another in community through the grief, sadness, and hope.

May we keep fighting for a world that deserves our hope, because we deserve it too. ?
#togetherwestand and #togetherweheal

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April 11, 2025
Releasing the Past to Embrace the Future: A Healing Message from the Quan Yin Oracle

Begin a New Cycle with Presence and Compassion

Take a moment to just be—to settle into your body and soften your breath. As the message encourages, there’s no need for judgment or analysis. Just notice what’s here. The card reveals that you are entering a new cycle, one that asks you to sift through your emotional and energetic experiences and release what no longer serves you.

Let go of outdated vows, painful memories, and emotional patterns. These may have been useful at one time, but now, like the outer layer of a cocoon, they’ve served their purpose. What remains is a thread of truth, of soul wisdom—ready to be carried forward.

Releasing the Past Isn’t Losing It—It’s Honoring Its Role

Releasing the past to embrace the future is not about forgetting or rejecting what’s come before. It’s about weaving your story into something that feels lighter and more aligned. Your past has shaped you. The mistakes, heartbreaks, lessons, and joys—they’ve all given you material for growth. But now, you get to decide what travels with you into this next chapter.

And yes, stepping into the unknown can feel unsettling. That’s normal. Transition brings vulnerability, but also possibility. This process, guided by Quan Yin’s presence, is one of love, clarity, and restoration. You are not alone in it.

What This Message Invites You to Explore

Close your eyes for a moment and turn inward. What feelings arise in your body? Where does your attention naturally go? Maybe you find peace, maybe discomfort, maybe something in between. Wherever you land, trust that it’s part of your process.

This reading might speak to you differently than it does to someone else—and that’s okay. For some, it may be about releasing regret. For others, it may spark hope or clarity. It may even invite you into deeper self-compassion, a theme I return to often. Because letting go of the past with grace requires kindness, especially toward yourself.

The invitation this week is simple but profound: release what no longer aligns so you can welcome what’s trying to emerge. The beauty of your life is not just in what you’ve survived—but in how you’re choosing to continue. Lighter. Softer. Wiser.

What came up for you in this message? Did you notice anything stirring inside—an image, a memory, a realization? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

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April 9, 2025
Understanding Childhood Trauma Coping Mechanisms: Denial, Avoidance, Minimization, and Rationalization

The following is a summary with key points of the video.

Recognizing Childhood Trauma Coping Mechanisms

Coping mechanisms develop as a means of survival, especially for those who have experienced childhood trauma. While these responses may have been essential in early life, they can create challenges in adulthood, particularly in relationships. Understanding these patterns is the first step toward healing.

This post explores four primary childhood trauma coping mechanisms: denial, avoidance, minimization, and rationalization. These behaviors, while once protective, can hinder emotional growth and self-acceptance. Recognizing them allows survivors to move toward self-compassion and healing.

Denial: Rejecting the Impact of Trauma

Denial manifests in different ways. Some individuals outright reject that their abuse occurred, while others deny its impact. A survivor might acknowledge past abuse but convince themselves that it “doesn’t affect them” or that “they’re over it” because they it happened so long ago.

This form of self-protection can be invalidating. The reality is that trauma leaves lasting effects, and dismissing it prevents genuine healing. Recognizing the full impact of trauma is a crucial step toward self-validation and growth.

Avoidance: Pushing Away Painful Emotions

Avoidance is one of the most common trauma responses. It involves steering clear of feelings, memories, or anything that might trigger emotional discomfort. While avoiding pain may seem like a relief, it often results in emotional disconnection—from both oneself and others.

A major consequence of avoidance is the inability to fully experience positive emotions. By numbing pain, joy and connection also become dulled. Moreover, avoiding emotions prevents survivors from processing their trauma, making deep healing impossible. Allowing ourselves to face and accept these emotions fosters self-compassion and healing.

Minimization: Downplaying the Trauma

Minimization often appears as comparisons: “It only happened once,” or “Other people had it worse.” This mindset can make survivors feel like they have no right to their pain, reinforcing shame and self-doubt.

Minimization prevents full acknowledgment of trauma’s impact. Healing begins when survivors allow themselves to validate their experiences without comparison. Trauma, no matter its form or duration, has profound effects—and every survivor’s pain is valid and deserving of healing.

Rationalization: Making Excuses for the Abuser

Rationalization shifts responsibility away from the abuser. Common thoughts include, “They were abused too,” “They were struggling,” or “They didn’t mean to hurt me.” While understanding an abuser’s background can provide context, it does not excuse harm.

Survivors also rationalize the inaction of bystanders—those who knew but did nothing. Believing that caregivers “did their best” or “had their own struggles” can make it harder to hold them accountable for their lack of protection.

Rationalization can prevent survivors from feeling justified in their emotions, particularly anger and grief. Acknowledging that harm was done, regardless of intent, is a vital step in reclaiming personal truth and healing.

Breaking Free from Childhood Trauma Coping Mechanisms

Healing begins with awareness. Recognizing these coping mechanisms allows survivors to make intentional choices about their emotional well-being. While these behaviors once served a purpose, they no longer have to dictate one’s life.

Self-compassion is key. There is no shame in using coping mechanisms; they were developed for survival. But in adulthood, healing means learning to validate pain, face emotions, and release self-blame. Seeking support, whether through therapy, community, or personal reflection, can help survivors move forward with strength and self-acceptance.

What coping mechanisms have you recognized in yourself? Share your thoughts in the comments below. Your experience is valid, and your healing journey matters.

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April 7, 2025
The Power of Focus and Intent: Cultivating Clarity in Your Life

The Power of Focus and Intent in Your Life

Have you ever felt scattered, pulled in multiple directions, struggling to focus on what truly matters? The ability to cultivate focus and intent is a powerful practice that can bring clarity and purpose into your life. When we consciously direct our energy toward what we desire, we open ourselves to opportunities, growth, and transformation. But what does that really mean, and how can we embrace it without falling into the trap of toxic positivity?

Understanding the Tracker Mindset

This week, I pulled the “Tracker” card from the Native Spirit deck by Denise Linn. The message behind this card is simple yet profound: focus your energy on one thing instead of scattering it in different directions. When you track the unseen but real stream of energy toward your desires, you align yourself with your goals and intentions.

Trackers have the ability to concentrate so intensely that everything else fades away. What you focus on grows—when you direct your thoughts toward positivity, you naturally attract opportunities and experiences that support your journey. However, it’s also essential to acknowledge that life is complex, and shifting focus isn’t always easy, especially for those navigating trauma, anxiety, or neurodivergence.

The Pitfalls of Simplistic Thinking

One of the common narratives around focus and intent is the idea that “thinking positively” will always attract positive experiences. While there’s truth to the concept that our mindset influences our reality, it’s not as simple as flipping a mental switch. Life is nuanced, and telling ourselves to “just think positive” can sometimes lead to feelings of shame or self-blame when challenges arise.

Rather than forcing positivity, consider cultivating self-compassion. If you’re struggling to focus on the good, ask yourself: What feels safe for me right now? How can I gently open myself to possibility? Instead of berating yourself for negative thoughts, try shifting your self-talk to something like, It’s okay for me to take small steps toward what I want. My worth isn’t tied to how positive my thoughts are.

Finding Balance: Intentional Focus vs. Pressure to Perform

The idea of focusing intently on one thing can be empowering, but for many, it may feel unrealistic. Life is full of responsibilities, and for those with anxiety or neurodivergence, single-minded focus can be particularly challenging. If that resonates with you, give yourself grace. Rather than striving for perfection, carve out small moments in your day to intentionally direct your energy toward what matters most. Even five minutes of mindful focus on a passion, goal, or relationship can create momentum over time.

It’s not about forcing yourself into an unnatural state of focus—it’s about honoring your capacity and working within it. Let go of judgment and recognize that your journey is valid, no matter how long it takes.

Embracing Your Path with Compassion

Ultimately, focus and intent are about creating space for what truly matters in your life. If you feel scattered, take a deep breath. Acknowledge where you are, release the pressure of needing to “get it right,” and trust that even small steps count. You deserve to invest your energy in what fulfills you.

What came up for you as you read this? Did anything resonate? Let’s connect in the comments—I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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Returning to Wholeness Journal Course

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Sacred Boundaries

A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
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April 4, 2025
Empress of the Pearl: Transforming Struggles into Light
Embracing the Wisdom of the Empress of the Pearl

The Empress of the Pearl teaches a powerful lesson about transformation. Just as a natural pearl forms through adversity, our struggles shape us into something rare and luminous. This message reminds us that challenges are not meant to break us. Instead, they help us grow into the most authentic version of ourselves.

When we shift our focus from suffering to growth, we begin to see our experiences in a new light. Rather than feeling weighed down by hardships, we can recognize them as part of our personal and spiritual evolution. By embracing this perspective, we allow ourselves to move forward with more resilience and hope.

The Pearl Within: Growth Through Struggle

A pearl begins as an irritation—a grain of sand or parasite that enters an oyster. Instead of resisting, the oyster responds by coating it with layers of nacre until a beautiful pearl emerges. In the same way, our struggles can become sources of wisdom and inner strength if we allow healing to take place.

If you’ve ever felt like life’s difficulties have left you broken or unworthy, this message is for you. You are not defined by your pain. Rather, you are shaped by how you rise from it. Your resilience, your light, and your wisdom are gifts that only you can offer to the world.

Releasing Negativity and Embracing Light

At times, we absorb negativity from our environment, leaving us feeling drained or burdened. However, the Empress of the Pearl invites us to release these heavy energies and focus on the light within. Through breath, mindfulness, and self-compassion, we can shed the weight of negativity and allow our soul’s radiance to shine.

A simple practice to connect with this energy involves visualization:
- First, close your eyes and take deep, steady breaths.
- Then, imagine a warm, pearlescent light growing within you, wrapping around any discomfort or pain.
- With each breath, see this light expanding, dissolving the negativity, and transforming it into peace.
As we nurture our inner light, we create a ripple effect. Our healing not only transforms us but also touches those around us in ways we may never fully see.

You Are Meant to Shine

For many, believing that we have something valuable to offer can feel impossible. Yet, just like a pearl, our journey has made us uniquely radiant. Every experience, every challenge, and every moment of growth adds to the brilliance we bring into the world.

You don’t need to be an influencer, have wealth, or hold a certain status to make an impact. Instead, simply showing up as your authentic self—embracing your journey and sharing your light—creates change. When we honor our own transformation, we inspire others to do the same.

Take a moment to reflect: What parts of your story have helped shape your inner pearl? How can you begin to see your struggles as part of your unique brilliance?

I’d love to hear your thoughts—share in the comments.

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Returning to Wholeness Journal Course

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Sacred Boundaries

A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
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March 28, 2025