Tag: Trauma recovery

Recognizing Toxic Relationships and How to Break Free

Toxic relationships can be emotionally exhausting and leave you questioning your worth. One of the most confusing aspects of these relationships is how manipulation can make you feel like you’re always at fault. A common tactic used by those in toxic relationships is shifting blame.

But here’s the truth: You are not responsible for someone else’s toxic behavior. Recognizing this fact is the first step toward healing and protecting yourself.

Signs of Toxic Relationships

In a toxic relationship, manipulation can look like deflecting blame, denying accountability, and making you feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault. These dynamics often leave you feeling unsure of yourself, second-guessing your actions, and even apologizing for things that weren’t your doing.

It’s vital to recognize these patterns as red flags. When someone consistently refuses to take responsibility for their actions, it can create an unhealthy, one-sided relationship. This dynamic can affect your mental health and make it harder to set boundaries.

How to Protect Yourself from Toxic Relationships

If you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, it’s essential to take a step back and prioritize your well-being. Start by recognizing the toxic patterns and allowing yourself to step back and take care of yourself. You deserve respect, empathy, and understanding.

Healing from toxic relationships starts with setting clear boundaries and refusing to tolerate behavior that harms you. It’s okay to walk away, even if someone tries to guilt-trip you. Trust yourself and your feelings, they are valid, and your emotional health matters.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

One of the most powerful tools in protecting yourself is setting healthy boundaries. This can be challenging, especially if you’ve been in a toxic relationship for a long time, but it’s a necessary step in reclaiming your power. Remember, boundaries are about protecting your emotional space and ensuring that you’re not compromising your well-being for someone else’s comfort.

If you’re not sure where to start, I created a free mini course on boundaries to help you take those first steps with more clarity and confidence. Click HERE to start your journey.

The Path to Healing

Healing from a toxic relationship isn’t an overnight process, but by recognizing the toxicity, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care, you’ll begin to feel more empowered and in control. Surround yourself with people who support your growth and well-being. Seek professional support if needed, and allow yourself the time and space to heal.

Toxic relationships don’t have to define your future. Recognizing the manipulation and breaking free from it is a brave and empowering step toward healing. You are deserving of love and respect, never forget that.

For more on this topic, check out this video:

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Returning to Wholeness Journal Course

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June 30, 2025
A Survivor’s Story of Abuse: The Real Threat Isn’t Who We’re Told to Fear

From early in our lives we are taught who to fear. When it comes to keeping children safe from sexual abuse, much of what we’re taught is based on fear and even lies.

If we want to keep children safe, we have to talk about the reality of who perpetrators are.

This is a piece of my story that encompasses the fear, lies, and the real danger.

This video is a part of a deeper conversation. Watch the full video for the full context:

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Returning to Wholeness Journal Course

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Connecting Within

Guided meditations to help heal mind, body & soul.
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Sacred Boundaries

A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
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June 5, 2025
Reclaiming Sexuality After Sexual Abuse: A Journey of Healing
Reclaiming sexuality after sexual abuse can feel like an overwhelming and complex journey, but it’s an essential part of healing. Sexual abuse can disrupt our sense of self and our connection to our bodies, making it difficult to rediscover healthy sexuality. Let’s explore the steps to take toward reclaiming your sexuality and why it’s crucial for your emotional well-being.

Why Reclaiming Sexuality is Important After Sexual Abuse

After experiencing sexual abuse, it’s common to feel disconnected from your body or to struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, or fear around intimacy. Reclaiming your sexuality means rebuilding a healthy relationship with your body and sexual self, free from the trauma of abuse. This process is about taking back control, recognizing your boundaries, and finding peace and comfort within once again so you can live your life freely, whether you’re with a partner or flying solo.

Steps to Begin Reclaiming Your Sexuality

Practice Self-Compassion: Acknowledge your feelings and treat yourself with kindness as you move through the healing process.

Set Boundaries: Understanding and setting personal boundaries is a crucial first step in reclaiming control over your body and sexuality.

Seek Professional Support: Therapy can offer a safe space to address complex feelings around sexuality and intimacy.

Explore Mindfulness and Sensory Practices: Grounding techniques, such as deep breathing or body scans and yoga can help reconnect you to your body in a way that allows for easing into connecting with your body and mind.

Embrace Your Healing Journey

Reclaiming your sexuality after sexual abuse isn’t about rushing through the process but taking it one step at a time. Be patient with yourself and allow the healing process to unfold naturally. Remember, you have the right to reclaim your sexual self on your own terms, with respect, self-love, and care.
For more on this topic, check out this video:

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Returning to Wholeness Journal Course

A journey for survivors of childhood trauma of learning to trust and embody the TRUTH of who you’ve always been.
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Connecting Within

Guided meditations to help heal mind, body & soul.
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Sacred Boundaries

A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
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June 2, 2025
How to Respond to Victim Blaming and Stay Grounded in Your Truth

Being blamed for your trauma can feel devastating. It’s one of the most significant factors in why survivors don’t tell anyone. Whether it’s an outright question like “Why didn’t you say something?” or a more subtle “Are you sure that’s what happened?” it often undermines your sense of safety, reinforces shame, and can deepen the trauma you’ve already experienced.

Understanding Where Victim Blaming Comes From

So, how can you respond to victim blaming and stay grounded in your truth… and trust that you’re not to blame? First, it’s important to understand that victim blaming often stems from fear or ignorance. It’s a way for others to avoid confronting their own vulnerability. While that never excuses the behavior, recognizing this can help you separate their discomfort and rationalizations from your experience.

Grounded Responses That Protect Your Peace

One powerful response is simply silence. You don’t owe anyone your story nor is it your job to educate every person you come across who invalidates your lived experience. However, if and when you’re feeling confident and rooted in truth, you can also name what their reaction is: “That feels like blaming, and it’s not okay nor is it true.” If you’re in a space where it feels safe and you have the desire to educate, you could say something like, “Actually, many survivors freeze as a biological response. It’s a survival coping mechanism and a trauma response.”

Their Words Reflect Them, Not You

Remember, victim blaming says more about the speaker than it does about you. They may be uncomfortable with the reality of trauma, and it shows up by responding in this way. Your job isn’t to convince them, but to honor your own truth. Healing includes learning when to engage, when to step away, and how to protect your well-being.

The Power of a Survivor Community

It can also be helpful to build community with other survivors. Hearing each other’s stories reminds us that we’re not alone, and it reinforces that we were never to blame.

When Support Isn’t Available

Sometimes, the hardest thing is recognizing that not everyone, sometimes even those closest to us, is capable of being supportive. That’s okay. It’s not a reflection of your worth or the validity of your experience. In these cases, setting boundaries around who you choose to share your story with is important . And, when others criticize someone else for being a “victim,” they’re often in denial of their own struggles. Don’t let their words dictate how and when you choose to share or how you choose to speak about trauma.

Protecting Yourself and Your Story Is a Form of Healing

Healing never requires others acceptance. The only acceptance and understanding you need to heal is your own.

For more on navigating victim blaming, check out this video:

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Returning to Wholeness Journal Course

A journey for survivors of childhood trauma of learning to trust and embody the TRUTH of who you’ve always been.
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Connecting Within

Guided meditations to help heal mind, body & soul.
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Sacred Boundaries

A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
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May 19, 2025
Understanding Involuntary Responses: Letting Go of Shame Around Orgasm During Abuse

The following is a summary with key points of the video.

Breaking the Silence Around a Natural Response

Experiencing an orgasm during abuse is something that many survivors struggle to talk about. The shame surrounding it can be overwhelming, making individuals feel isolated, confused, and filled with shame. But the truth is, this is a normal physiological response. Your body reacts to stimulation the way it was designed to—without this meaning you wanted, enjoyed, or consented to what happened.

The Body’s Natural Response to Stimulation

Sexual response is an automatic function of the body, just like breathing or blinking. When sexually stimulated, the body reacts—whether the experience is consensual or not. For both men and women, this response is biological. It does not indicate desire or agreement; it simply means the body is working as it was meant to.

We often hear stories of young boys experiencing erections or ejaculation without any conscious control. The same applies to female bodies, though the signs may be less outwardly visible. Regardless of gender, the body’s reactions are not a reflection of personal desire or character. They are simply a function of physiology.

Releasing the Shame and Moving Forward

The most damaging effect of experiencing an orgasm during abuse is the shame it creates. This shame can lead to difficulties in adult sexual relationships, sometimes making it hard to experience pleasure in healthy, consensual encounters. This emotional block is often tied to the unresolved guilt and confusion surrounding past experiences.

But here’s what survivors need to hear: You are not at fault. Your body responded in a way that is entirely natural. That response does not define you or your worth. Letting go of the shame means allowing yourself to heal, to trust your body again, and to experience intimacy in a way that feels safe and fulfilling.

Cultivating Understanding and Reclaiming Your Experience

If you have carried guilt or shame over your body’s response during abuse, it’s now safe to release it. You do not need to share your experience if you don’t want to. It is, however, important to learn to experience self-compassion and understanding. You nor your body did anything wrong and there is nothing to be ashamed of.

You deserve to experience connection, pleasure, and healing on your own terms. If shame has held you back, consider speaking to a trusted therapist or support group. Healing is possible, and you are worthy of a future free from shame.

If this topic resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Feel free to share your thoughts, ask questions, or simply take in this message at your own pace. You deserve peace and healing.

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Returning to Wholeness Journal Course

A journey for survivors of childhood trauma of learning to trust and embody the TRUTH of who you’ve always been.
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Guided meditations to help heal mind, body & soul.
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Sacred Boundaries

A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
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May 5, 2025
The Connection Between Social Anxiety and Childhood Trauma
The following is a summary with key points of the video.

How Are Social Anxiety and Childhood Trauma Connected?

Social anxiety can make everyday interactions feel overwhelming. If you’ve struggled with childhood trauma, you may notice that social situations can trigger self-doubt, fear, discomfort, or even panic. But why does this happen? And how does childhood trauma shape the way we experience social anxiety?

Understanding this connection is important for healing… and just feeling better. When we recognize the deeper roots of our fears, we can begin to shift our responses and find new ways to feel safe and confident in social settings.

The Fear Behind Social Anxiety

Social anxiety isn’t just about feeling nervous in social situations—it often stems from a deep fear of being judged, criticized, or seen in a way that makes us feel exposed. For survivors of childhood trauma, these fears can be even more intense.

When you’ve experienced trauma, especially in childhood, your brain and body learn to be on high alert. You may unconsciously expect rejection or disapproval, even if there’s no real evidence that others are judging you. This is because trauma can create deeply ingrained beliefs about yourself—beliefs like “I’m not good enough,” “I’m unworthy,” or “People won’t accept me.” These thoughts can lead to intense self-consciousness and make social interactions feel unsafe.

The Role of Shame and Core Beliefs

At the heart of social anxiety is often shame—the belief that something is fundamentally wrong with us. Trauma teaches us to see ourselves through a distorted lens, one that magnifies our perceived flaws and minimizes our worth.

If you’ve ever avoided social situations because you worried about how others would perceive you, it’s likely that shame played a role. Even if these fears aren’t fully conscious, they influence how we approach relationships and the world around us.

Why Social Anxiety Feels So Overwhelming

When you anticipate social interactions, your nervous system responds as if you’re in danger. Your heart might race, your stomach might tighten, and your mind may spiral with anxious thoughts. This physiological response reinforces the idea that social situations are threatening, even when they aren’t.

For some, this can even lead to panic attacks before leaving the house. The fear becomes so automatic that your body reacts before you’ve even stepped into a social setting. But here’s the important part: this response isn’t based on reality—it’s based on old programming and beliefs from trauma and what it made you believe about who you are and what to expect from the world, and those in it.

Healing Social Anxiety by Addressing Trauma

If social anxiety stems from deep-seated fears and beliefs, then healing means changing those beliefs. This doesn’t happen overnight, but with intentional effort, it’s possible to rewire how you think and feel in social situations. Here’s how:
- Recognize false beliefs: Challenge the idea that others are judging you or that you’re not good enough. These are old narratives, not present-day truths.
- Practice exposure with awareness: Gradually put yourself in social situations while staying mindful of your internal reactions. Notice when your fear isn’t based on reality.
- Reprogram your nervous system: Techniques like deep breathing, grounding exercises, and self-compassion can help your body feel safer in social settings.
- Work on self-trust: Trauma impacts your ability to trust both yourself and others. Learning to trust your own judgment and worth can make social interactions less intimidating.
Moving Forward with Confidence

Healing from social anxiety isn’t just about managing symptoms—it’s about shifting the way you see yourself and the world. As you work on addressing the root causes, social situations may start to feel less threatening. You deserve to feel at ease, to connect with others, and to experience life without the constant fear of judgment.

If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Healing is possible, and every step you take toward understanding and reprogramming your beliefs is a step toward freedom.

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Returning to Wholeness Journal Course

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Connecting Within

Guided meditations to help heal mind, body & soul.
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Sacred Boundaries

A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
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April 21, 2025
Healing Sexual Shame: Reconnecting with Your Body After Trauma
The following is a summary with key points of the video.

Understanding Sexual Shame After Trauma

Sexuality is a deeply personal and complex aspect of who we are. But for survivors of childhood sexual trauma, it can be layered with deep shame, confusion, and disconnection. If you’ve ever felt discomfort, avoidance, or even self-blame when it comes to sex and intimacy, you’re not alone. Healing sexual shame is a crucial part of reclaiming yourself and your body.

The shame that develops from sexual trauma is often rooted in early experiences, even before any physical violation occurs. Grooming behaviors, inappropriate comments, the way someone looked at you, and the messages (both subtle and overt) that come from media often plant the first seeds of discomfort and self-doubt. Over time, these experiences shape the way survivors view their bodies, relationships, and their very sense of self and self-worth.

How Shame Influences Sexuality and Healing

Shame resulting from sexual trauma manifests in many ways. Some survivors struggle with hypersexuality, using sex as a means of coping, while others disconnect from their sexuality entirely. Neither response is wrong—both are ways the nervous system tries to survive and make sense of past experiences. But no matter how it presents, shame often makes it difficult to feel safe in your own body.

For those who disclosed their abuse and received support early on, shame may be less pervasive. However, for those who were not believed, silenced, or left without validation, the impact tends to be deeper. Survivors often internalize the belief that their needs, desires, and boundaries don’t matter—an ingrained lesson from the abuse itself. This makes healing sexual shame a layered, delicate process that requires self-compassion and intentional healing work.

Can You Reconnect with Your Body After Trauma?

The short answer is yes. While healing sexual shame takes time, it is absolutely possible to rebuild a sense of safety, connection, and even pleasure within your body. Healing doesn’t always require revisiting every painful detail of the past. In fact, many aspects of healing unfold naturally through broader trauma recovery work.

That said, if certain memories or experiences repeatedly surface as evidence of why you feel ashamed, those may need to be addressed more directly. Shame thrives in secrecy, and speaking about these experiences—whether with a trusted therapist or in a safe, supportive space—can be a powerful step toward release.

Steps Toward Healing Sexual Shame
1. Acknowledge the Shame Without Judgment
  Recognizing the shame you carry is the first step in loosening its grip. Instead of avoiding or suppressing it, allow yourself to acknowledge it with curiosity and self-compassion.
2. Reconnect with Your Desires
  Healing sexual shame isn’t about having to undo the past; it’s about discovering what you want now. Take time to reflect on what intimacy, connection, and pleasure mean to you—without the influence of past trauma.
3. Cultivate Safety in Your Body
  Grounding techniques, somatic practices, and mindful self-touch (even non-sexual) can help rebuild trust between you and your body.
4. Seek Support from the Right People
  Not everyone will understand your experience, and that’s okay. Finding a childhood trauma therapist or a community of survivors can provide the validation and understanding needed for healing.
You Are Not Broken—You Are Healing

Healing sexual shame is a journey, but it is one worth taking. You deserve to feel safe, connected, and at peace with your body. While the process takes time, every step you take brings you closer to reclaiming your sexuality on your terms.

Have you faced shame around your body or sexuality? Share your thoughts in the comments below—your voice matters, and you are not alone.

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Returning to Wholeness Journal Course

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Guided meditations to help heal mind, body & soul.
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Sacred Boundaries

A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
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April 14, 2025
Understanding Childhood Trauma Coping Mechanisms: Denial, Avoidance, Minimization, and Rationalization

The following is a summary with key points of the video.

Recognizing Childhood Trauma Coping Mechanisms

Coping mechanisms develop as a means of survival, especially for those who have experienced childhood trauma. While these responses may have been essential in early life, they can create challenges in adulthood, particularly in relationships. Understanding these patterns is the first step toward healing.

This post explores four primary childhood trauma coping mechanisms: denial, avoidance, minimization, and rationalization. These behaviors, while once protective, can hinder emotional growth and self-acceptance. Recognizing them allows survivors to move toward self-compassion and healing.

Denial: Rejecting the Impact of Trauma

Denial manifests in different ways. Some individuals outright reject that their abuse occurred, while others deny its impact. A survivor might acknowledge past abuse but convince themselves that it “doesn’t affect them” or that “they’re over it” because they it happened so long ago.

This form of self-protection can be invalidating. The reality is that trauma leaves lasting effects, and dismissing it prevents genuine healing. Recognizing the full impact of trauma is a crucial step toward self-validation and growth.

Avoidance: Pushing Away Painful Emotions

Avoidance is one of the most common trauma responses. It involves steering clear of feelings, memories, or anything that might trigger emotional discomfort. While avoiding pain may seem like a relief, it often results in emotional disconnection—from both oneself and others.

A major consequence of avoidance is the inability to fully experience positive emotions. By numbing pain, joy and connection also become dulled. Moreover, avoiding emotions prevents survivors from processing their trauma, making deep healing impossible. Allowing ourselves to face and accept these emotions fosters self-compassion and healing.

Minimization: Downplaying the Trauma

Minimization often appears as comparisons: “It only happened once,” or “Other people had it worse.” This mindset can make survivors feel like they have no right to their pain, reinforcing shame and self-doubt.

Minimization prevents full acknowledgment of trauma’s impact. Healing begins when survivors allow themselves to validate their experiences without comparison. Trauma, no matter its form or duration, has profound effects—and every survivor’s pain is valid and deserving of healing.

Rationalization: Making Excuses for the Abuser

Rationalization shifts responsibility away from the abuser. Common thoughts include, “They were abused too,” “They were struggling,” or “They didn’t mean to hurt me.” While understanding an abuser’s background can provide context, it does not excuse harm.

Survivors also rationalize the inaction of bystanders—those who knew but did nothing. Believing that caregivers “did their best” or “had their own struggles” can make it harder to hold them accountable for their lack of protection.

Rationalization can prevent survivors from feeling justified in their emotions, particularly anger and grief. Acknowledging that harm was done, regardless of intent, is a vital step in reclaiming personal truth and healing.

Breaking Free from Childhood Trauma Coping Mechanisms

Healing begins with awareness. Recognizing these coping mechanisms allows survivors to make intentional choices about their emotional well-being. While these behaviors once served a purpose, they no longer have to dictate one’s life.

Self-compassion is key. There is no shame in using coping mechanisms; they were developed for survival. But in adulthood, healing means learning to validate pain, face emotions, and release self-blame. Seeking support, whether through therapy, community, or personal reflection, can help survivors move forward with strength and self-acceptance.

What coping mechanisms have you recognized in yourself? Share your thoughts in the comments below. Your experience is valid, and your healing journey matters.

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Returning to Wholeness Journal Course

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A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
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April 7, 2025