Tag: emotional healing

Recognizing Toxic Relationships and How to Break Free

Toxic relationships can be emotionally exhausting and leave you questioning your worth. One of the most confusing aspects of these relationships is how manipulation can make you feel like you’re always at fault. A common tactic used by those in toxic relationships is shifting blame.

But here’s the truth: You are not responsible for someone else’s toxic behavior. Recognizing this fact is the first step toward healing and protecting yourself.

Signs of Toxic Relationships

In a toxic relationship, manipulation can look like deflecting blame, denying accountability, and making you feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault. These dynamics often leave you feeling unsure of yourself, second-guessing your actions, and even apologizing for things that weren’t your doing.

It’s vital to recognize these patterns as red flags. When someone consistently refuses to take responsibility for their actions, it can create an unhealthy, one-sided relationship. This dynamic can affect your mental health and make it harder to set boundaries.

How to Protect Yourself from Toxic Relationships

If you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, it’s essential to take a step back and prioritize your well-being. Start by recognizing the toxic patterns and allowing yourself to step back and take care of yourself. You deserve respect, empathy, and understanding.

Healing from toxic relationships starts with setting clear boundaries and refusing to tolerate behavior that harms you. It’s okay to walk away, even if someone tries to guilt-trip you. Trust yourself and your feelings, they are valid, and your emotional health matters.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

One of the most powerful tools in protecting yourself is setting healthy boundaries. This can be challenging, especially if you’ve been in a toxic relationship for a long time, but it’s a necessary step in reclaiming your power. Remember, boundaries are about protecting your emotional space and ensuring that you’re not compromising your well-being for someone else’s comfort.

If you’re not sure where to start, I created a free mini course on boundaries to help you take those first steps with more clarity and confidence. Click HERE to start your journey.

The Path to Healing

Healing from a toxic relationship isn’t an overnight process, but by recognizing the toxicity, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care, you’ll begin to feel more empowered and in control. Surround yourself with people who support your growth and well-being. Seek professional support if needed, and allow yourself the time and space to heal.

Toxic relationships don’t have to define your future. Recognizing the manipulation and breaking free from it is a brave and empowering step toward healing. You are deserving of love and respect, never forget that.

For more on this topic, check out this video:

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June 30, 2025
A Survivor’s Story of Abuse: The Real Threat Isn’t Who We’re Told to Fear

From early in our lives we are taught who to fear. When it comes to keeping children safe from sexual abuse, much of what we’re taught is based on fear and even lies.

If we want to keep children safe, we have to talk about the reality of who perpetrators are.

This is a piece of my story that encompasses the fear, lies, and the real danger.

This video is a part of a deeper conversation. Watch the full video for the full context:

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June 5, 2025
Reclaiming Sexuality After Sexual Abuse: A Journey of Healing
Reclaiming sexuality after sexual abuse can feel like an overwhelming and complex journey, but it’s an essential part of healing. Sexual abuse can disrupt our sense of self and our connection to our bodies, making it difficult to rediscover healthy sexuality. Let’s explore the steps to take toward reclaiming your sexuality and why it’s crucial for your emotional well-being.

Why Reclaiming Sexuality is Important After Sexual Abuse

After experiencing sexual abuse, it’s common to feel disconnected from your body or to struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, or fear around intimacy. Reclaiming your sexuality means rebuilding a healthy relationship with your body and sexual self, free from the trauma of abuse. This process is about taking back control, recognizing your boundaries, and finding peace and comfort within once again so you can live your life freely, whether you’re with a partner or flying solo.

Steps to Begin Reclaiming Your Sexuality

Practice Self-Compassion: Acknowledge your feelings and treat yourself with kindness as you move through the healing process.

Set Boundaries: Understanding and setting personal boundaries is a crucial first step in reclaiming control over your body and sexuality.

Seek Professional Support: Therapy can offer a safe space to address complex feelings around sexuality and intimacy.

Explore Mindfulness and Sensory Practices: Grounding techniques, such as deep breathing or body scans and yoga can help reconnect you to your body in a way that allows for easing into connecting with your body and mind.

Embrace Your Healing Journey

Reclaiming your sexuality after sexual abuse isn’t about rushing through the process but taking it one step at a time. Be patient with yourself and allow the healing process to unfold naturally. Remember, you have the right to reclaim your sexual self on your own terms, with respect, self-love, and care.
For more on this topic, check out this video:

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June 2, 2025
What Is Child Grooming? Understanding the Burden of Responsibility

There are so many ways that childhood trauma survivors take on responsibility for what happened to them. Over the years, I’ve heard countless variations of the same heartbreaking belief: “It was my fault.” And one of the most common sources of this belief? Grooming.

If you’ve ever felt responsible for what someone else did to you, please know that it’s not your fault. There is nothing about you or anything you did that caused someone to abuse you. The shame and blame you might carry were taught to you by the person who harmed you and that was never yours to carry.

“But I didn’t say no…”

One of the most painful things I hear from survivors is the belief that they participated in the abuse. That belief is sometimes rooted in what they were told being made to feel “special,” “mature for their age,” or “not like other kids.” In other cases, the perpetrator presented a choice between two terrible options, and the child picked one. Or perhaps they received something (attention, gifts, or approval) and interpreted that as agreement.

But none of those things are evidence that you wanted what happened.

They’re evidence of your survival.

And they’re evidence that a child, with no real power, did what they could to get through something unimaginable.

That’s what child grooming does. It manipulates a child’s natural need for safety, connection, and belonging, and uses those very needs against them. Confusion, shame, and silence begin to take root. The survivor is slowly trained to believe they chose it, which then makes it nearly impossible to talk about later.

“I went along with it… doesn’t that mean I participated?”

No. It doesn’t.

When you’re a child, especially in an ongoing situation, you learn that the abuse is inevitable. When that happens, your survival instincts kick in: What can I do to make this hurt less? What can I do to feel like I have some control?

For some, that meant not fighting it. Others tried negotiating or mentally minimizing what was happening, anything to regain a sense of control.

None of that makes you responsible.

It makes you resilient, resourcesul, and it makes you a survivor.

“But I got something out of it…”

Sometimes people believe that “getting something out of it” makes them an equal participant.

That something could be a milder form of abuse, money, the safety of their siblings, candy, or nobody learning about the “bad thing they did”.

This is related to what I shared above, it’s about the best way to survive and feel that you have some control.

Those actions, those so-called “agreements,” were shaped by fear, coercion, manipulation, and unmet needs that were exploited. Child grooming gives the illusion of choice but never real power.

And here’s what I want you to remember:

Choosing the path that hurt less is not the same as choosing to be hurt.

Releasing the Shame

If you’ve carried this in silence, please know, the shame you feel has never been yours to carry. It has only ever belonged to the person who abused you. It is not a reflection of who you are. It’s the result of manipulation, not truth.

Speaking that shame, quietly, even to just one person, is a powerful step toward releasing it.

You are not alone in these thoughts. You are not wrong or broken for having them.

But please don’t forget:

The things you did to survive are not proof that you wanted it to happen.

They are proof that you innately have the strength and ability to survive.

For more on child grooming, check out this video:

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May 26, 2025
Can Meditation Help with Healing?

There are so many tools for emotional healing, but one that often gets an eye roll? Meditation. I get it—it’s not always the easiest to embrace. But I want to talk about why it’s so powerful. Let’s talk about how meditation helps with healing.

For most people, meditation brings up a vision of someone sitting cross-legged and chanting. That can be one way to meditate.

But, meditation is so much more than that. At it’s core, it’s about being present, whether through guided meditations, breath work, or even mindful movement. Our minds tend to jump from one thought to the next, often reinforcing fears or self-doubt. Meditation helps quiet that noise, grounding us in the here and now.

And it’s a practice—meaning there’s no “failing” at it. If your mind wanders, you just bring it back. Whether through focused breathing, walking in nature, or a guided meditation, the goal is the same: presence. And the consistent practice of presence changes everything.

For more on meditation and healing, check out these videos:

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Sacred Boundaries

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May 12, 2025
Understanding Involuntary Responses: Letting Go of Shame Around Orgasm During Abuse

The following is a summary with key points of the video.

Breaking the Silence Around a Natural Response

Experiencing an orgasm during abuse is something that many survivors struggle to talk about. The shame surrounding it can be overwhelming, making individuals feel isolated, confused, and filled with shame. But the truth is, this is a normal physiological response. Your body reacts to stimulation the way it was designed to—without this meaning you wanted, enjoyed, or consented to what happened.

The Body’s Natural Response to Stimulation

Sexual response is an automatic function of the body, just like breathing or blinking. When sexually stimulated, the body reacts—whether the experience is consensual or not. For both men and women, this response is biological. It does not indicate desire or agreement; it simply means the body is working as it was meant to.

We often hear stories of young boys experiencing erections or ejaculation without any conscious control. The same applies to female bodies, though the signs may be less outwardly visible. Regardless of gender, the body’s reactions are not a reflection of personal desire or character. They are simply a function of physiology.

Releasing the Shame and Moving Forward

The most damaging effect of experiencing an orgasm during abuse is the shame it creates. This shame can lead to difficulties in adult sexual relationships, sometimes making it hard to experience pleasure in healthy, consensual encounters. This emotional block is often tied to the unresolved guilt and confusion surrounding past experiences.

But here’s what survivors need to hear: You are not at fault. Your body responded in a way that is entirely natural. That response does not define you or your worth. Letting go of the shame means allowing yourself to heal, to trust your body again, and to experience intimacy in a way that feels safe and fulfilling.

Cultivating Understanding and Reclaiming Your Experience

If you have carried guilt or shame over your body’s response during abuse, it’s now safe to release it. You do not need to share your experience if you don’t want to. It is, however, important to learn to experience self-compassion and understanding. You nor your body did anything wrong and there is nothing to be ashamed of.

You deserve to experience connection, pleasure, and healing on your own terms. If shame has held you back, consider speaking to a trusted therapist or support group. Healing is possible, and you are worthy of a future free from shame.

If this topic resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Feel free to share your thoughts, ask questions, or simply take in this message at your own pace. You deserve peace and healing.

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Guided meditations to help heal mind, body & soul.
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A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
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May 5, 2025
Healing from Childhood Trauma: The Role of Worthiness in Your Journey

The following is a summary with key points of the video.

The Core of Healing: Trusting in Your Worthiness

When we talk about healing from childhood trauma, we often focus on different aspects—setting boundaries, self-care, processing emotions. But at the core of it all is one essential element: worthiness. Without believing in our worthiness, the steps we take toward healing can feel fragile, temporary, or even out of reach.

Healing isn’t just about actions… it’s about the deep, internal shift toward trusting in your worthiness. Many of us don’t consciously think, I am unworthy, but the belief shows up in subtle ways. When we tell ourselves, I don’t deserve good things, or Of course, I messed that up, those thoughts are rooted in a deep-seated sense of unworthiness.

How Unworthiness Manifests in Daily Life

Most of us don’t walk around with the constant thought, I am unworthy. Instead, we experience it through self-doubt, self-criticism, or difficulty accepting care and support. This belief often starts in childhood and is reinforced over time, not necessarily by what happens to us but by the meaning we attach to our experiences.

For example, when something goes wrong—a rejection, a failure, a disappointment—our minds may automatically link it to our worth. I didn’t get the job because I’m not good enough. That relationship ended because I’m unlovable. These thoughts aren’t the truth, but they feel real because they are backed by years of internalized unworthiness.

Healing Practices That Reinforce Worthiness

Healing is not just about undoing past wounds; it’s about connecting and trusting in new, supportive beliefs… the truth of who you are.

Many of the practices you engage in—journaling, mindfulness, practicing authentic connection, and therapy are ways to challenge the old patterns and reinforce your sense of worth.

Even something as simple as journaling can be an act of worthiness. When you allow yourself to express your feelings, fears, and desires, you affirm that your inner world matters. The same goes for setting boundaries, allowing yourself to rest, or seeking support. These actions send a message to yourself: I am worthy of care, love, and healing.

At the same time, we must recognize the ways we unknowingly reinforce unworthiness. Self-judgment, negative self-talk, or dismissing our needs can all keep us stuck in old patterns. Becoming aware of these habits is the first step in breaking free from them.

The Experience of Trusting in Your Worthiness

Believing in your worthiness is not just a thought—it’s an experience. It’s not simply saying, I am worthy, but feeling it in a way that grounds and stabilizes you. It’s the difference between reacting to failure with overwhelming self-doubt and responding with self-compassion.

When you are truly rooted in worthiness, moments of doubt or insecurity don’t consume you. You may still question yourself, but the doubt doesn’t spiral into shame. Instead, you process it, decide if there’s something to learn, and move forward with self-trust.

Healing Is Not About Perfection

A common misconception about healing is that once you’ve done enough work, you’ll never struggle again. But healing doesn’t mean never feeling doubt—it means those doubts don’t control you.

You ~~might~~ will still question yourself. You’ll have moments when unworthiness creeps in. The difference is that, over time, you gain the ability to navigate those moments with resilience and self-compassion. Healing isn’t about never struggling; it’s about knowing that when struggles arise, they don’t define you and you have the ability to within you to return to your more grounded, trusting self.

Healing from childhood trauma is a journey of returning to your inherent worthiness. Everything you’re doing in your healing process is leading you back to that truth. Please keep going. You are worthy and deserving of the freedom that comes from learning to trust in who you’ve always been and all that is possible for you.

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April 28, 2025
The Connection Between Social Anxiety and Childhood Trauma
The following is a summary with key points of the video.

How Are Social Anxiety and Childhood Trauma Connected?

Social anxiety can make everyday interactions feel overwhelming. If you’ve struggled with childhood trauma, you may notice that social situations can trigger self-doubt, fear, discomfort, or even panic. But why does this happen? And how does childhood trauma shape the way we experience social anxiety?

Understanding this connection is important for healing… and just feeling better. When we recognize the deeper roots of our fears, we can begin to shift our responses and find new ways to feel safe and confident in social settings.

The Fear Behind Social Anxiety

Social anxiety isn’t just about feeling nervous in social situations—it often stems from a deep fear of being judged, criticized, or seen in a way that makes us feel exposed. For survivors of childhood trauma, these fears can be even more intense.

When you’ve experienced trauma, especially in childhood, your brain and body learn to be on high alert. You may unconsciously expect rejection or disapproval, even if there’s no real evidence that others are judging you. This is because trauma can create deeply ingrained beliefs about yourself—beliefs like “I’m not good enough,” “I’m unworthy,” or “People won’t accept me.” These thoughts can lead to intense self-consciousness and make social interactions feel unsafe.

The Role of Shame and Core Beliefs

At the heart of social anxiety is often shame—the belief that something is fundamentally wrong with us. Trauma teaches us to see ourselves through a distorted lens, one that magnifies our perceived flaws and minimizes our worth.

If you’ve ever avoided social situations because you worried about how others would perceive you, it’s likely that shame played a role. Even if these fears aren’t fully conscious, they influence how we approach relationships and the world around us.

Why Social Anxiety Feels So Overwhelming

When you anticipate social interactions, your nervous system responds as if you’re in danger. Your heart might race, your stomach might tighten, and your mind may spiral with anxious thoughts. This physiological response reinforces the idea that social situations are threatening, even when they aren’t.

For some, this can even lead to panic attacks before leaving the house. The fear becomes so automatic that your body reacts before you’ve even stepped into a social setting. But here’s the important part: this response isn’t based on reality—it’s based on old programming and beliefs from trauma and what it made you believe about who you are and what to expect from the world, and those in it.

Healing Social Anxiety by Addressing Trauma

If social anxiety stems from deep-seated fears and beliefs, then healing means changing those beliefs. This doesn’t happen overnight, but with intentional effort, it’s possible to rewire how you think and feel in social situations. Here’s how:
- Recognize false beliefs: Challenge the idea that others are judging you or that you’re not good enough. These are old narratives, not present-day truths.
- Practice exposure with awareness: Gradually put yourself in social situations while staying mindful of your internal reactions. Notice when your fear isn’t based on reality.
- Reprogram your nervous system: Techniques like deep breathing, grounding exercises, and self-compassion can help your body feel safer in social settings.
- Work on self-trust: Trauma impacts your ability to trust both yourself and others. Learning to trust your own judgment and worth can make social interactions less intimidating.
Moving Forward with Confidence

Healing from social anxiety isn’t just about managing symptoms—it’s about shifting the way you see yourself and the world. As you work on addressing the root causes, social situations may start to feel less threatening. You deserve to feel at ease, to connect with others, and to experience life without the constant fear of judgment.

If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Healing is possible, and every step you take toward understanding and reprogramming your beliefs is a step toward freedom.

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Guided meditations to help heal mind, body & soul.
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Sacred Boundaries

A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
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April 21, 2025
Healing Sexual Shame: Reconnecting with Your Body After Trauma
The following is a summary with key points of the video.

Understanding Sexual Shame After Trauma

Sexuality is a deeply personal and complex aspect of who we are. But for survivors of childhood sexual trauma, it can be layered with deep shame, confusion, and disconnection. If you’ve ever felt discomfort, avoidance, or even self-blame when it comes to sex and intimacy, you’re not alone. Healing sexual shame is a crucial part of reclaiming yourself and your body.

The shame that develops from sexual trauma is often rooted in early experiences, even before any physical violation occurs. Grooming behaviors, inappropriate comments, the way someone looked at you, and the messages (both subtle and overt) that come from media often plant the first seeds of discomfort and self-doubt. Over time, these experiences shape the way survivors view their bodies, relationships, and their very sense of self and self-worth.

How Shame Influences Sexuality and Healing

Shame resulting from sexual trauma manifests in many ways. Some survivors struggle with hypersexuality, using sex as a means of coping, while others disconnect from their sexuality entirely. Neither response is wrong—both are ways the nervous system tries to survive and make sense of past experiences. But no matter how it presents, shame often makes it difficult to feel safe in your own body.

For those who disclosed their abuse and received support early on, shame may be less pervasive. However, for those who were not believed, silenced, or left without validation, the impact tends to be deeper. Survivors often internalize the belief that their needs, desires, and boundaries don’t matter—an ingrained lesson from the abuse itself. This makes healing sexual shame a layered, delicate process that requires self-compassion and intentional healing work.

Can You Reconnect with Your Body After Trauma?

The short answer is yes. While healing sexual shame takes time, it is absolutely possible to rebuild a sense of safety, connection, and even pleasure within your body. Healing doesn’t always require revisiting every painful detail of the past. In fact, many aspects of healing unfold naturally through broader trauma recovery work.

That said, if certain memories or experiences repeatedly surface as evidence of why you feel ashamed, those may need to be addressed more directly. Shame thrives in secrecy, and speaking about these experiences—whether with a trusted therapist or in a safe, supportive space—can be a powerful step toward release.

Steps Toward Healing Sexual Shame
1. Acknowledge the Shame Without Judgment
  Recognizing the shame you carry is the first step in loosening its grip. Instead of avoiding or suppressing it, allow yourself to acknowledge it with curiosity and self-compassion.
2. Reconnect with Your Desires
  Healing sexual shame isn’t about having to undo the past; it’s about discovering what you want now. Take time to reflect on what intimacy, connection, and pleasure mean to you—without the influence of past trauma.
3. Cultivate Safety in Your Body
  Grounding techniques, somatic practices, and mindful self-touch (even non-sexual) can help rebuild trust between you and your body.
4. Seek Support from the Right People
  Not everyone will understand your experience, and that’s okay. Finding a childhood trauma therapist or a community of survivors can provide the validation and understanding needed for healing.
You Are Not Broken—You Are Healing

Healing sexual shame is a journey, but it is one worth taking. You deserve to feel safe, connected, and at peace with your body. While the process takes time, every step you take brings you closer to reclaiming your sexuality on your terms.

Have you faced shame around your body or sexuality? Share your thoughts in the comments below—your voice matters, and you are not alone.

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Sacred Boundaries

A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
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April 14, 2025
Releasing the Past to Embrace the Future: A Healing Message from the Quan Yin Oracle

Begin a New Cycle with Presence and Compassion

Take a moment to just be—to settle into your body and soften your breath. As the message encourages, there’s no need for judgment or analysis. Just notice what’s here. The card reveals that you are entering a new cycle, one that asks you to sift through your emotional and energetic experiences and release what no longer serves you.

Let go of outdated vows, painful memories, and emotional patterns. These may have been useful at one time, but now, like the outer layer of a cocoon, they’ve served their purpose. What remains is a thread of truth, of soul wisdom—ready to be carried forward.

Releasing the Past Isn’t Losing It—It’s Honoring Its Role

Releasing the past to embrace the future is not about forgetting or rejecting what’s come before. It’s about weaving your story into something that feels lighter and more aligned. Your past has shaped you. The mistakes, heartbreaks, lessons, and joys—they’ve all given you material for growth. But now, you get to decide what travels with you into this next chapter.

And yes, stepping into the unknown can feel unsettling. That’s normal. Transition brings vulnerability, but also possibility. This process, guided by Quan Yin’s presence, is one of love, clarity, and restoration. You are not alone in it.

What This Message Invites You to Explore

Close your eyes for a moment and turn inward. What feelings arise in your body? Where does your attention naturally go? Maybe you find peace, maybe discomfort, maybe something in between. Wherever you land, trust that it’s part of your process.

This reading might speak to you differently than it does to someone else—and that’s okay. For some, it may be about releasing regret. For others, it may spark hope or clarity. It may even invite you into deeper self-compassion, a theme I return to often. Because letting go of the past with grace requires kindness, especially toward yourself.

The invitation this week is simple but profound: release what no longer aligns so you can welcome what’s trying to emerge. The beauty of your life is not just in what you’ve survived—but in how you’re choosing to continue. Lighter. Softer. Wiser.

What came up for you in this message? Did you notice anything stirring inside—an image, a memory, a realization? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

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Sacred Boundaries

A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
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April 9, 2025