Tag: Trauma

Understanding Involuntary Responses: Letting Go of Shame Around Orgasm During Abuse

The following is a summary with key points of the video.

Breaking the Silence Around a Natural Response

Experiencing an orgasm during abuse is something that many survivors struggle to talk about. The shame surrounding it can be overwhelming, making individuals feel isolated, confused, and filled with shame. But the truth is, this is a normal physiological response. Your body reacts to stimulation the way it was designed to—without this meaning you wanted, enjoyed, or consented to what happened.

The Body’s Natural Response to Stimulation

Sexual response is an automatic function of the body, just like breathing or blinking. When sexually stimulated, the body reacts—whether the experience is consensual or not. For both men and women, this response is biological. It does not indicate desire or agreement; it simply means the body is working as it was meant to.

We often hear stories of young boys experiencing erections or ejaculation without any conscious control. The same applies to female bodies, though the signs may be less outwardly visible. Regardless of gender, the body’s reactions are not a reflection of personal desire or character. They are simply a function of physiology.

Releasing the Shame and Moving Forward

The most damaging effect of experiencing an orgasm during abuse is the shame it creates. This shame can lead to difficulties in adult sexual relationships, sometimes making it hard to experience pleasure in healthy, consensual encounters. This emotional block is often tied to the unresolved guilt and confusion surrounding past experiences.

But here’s what survivors need to hear: You are not at fault. Your body responded in a way that is entirely natural. That response does not define you or your worth. Letting go of the shame means allowing yourself to heal, to trust your body again, and to experience intimacy in a way that feels safe and fulfilling.

Cultivating Understanding and Reclaiming Your Experience

If you have carried guilt or shame over your body’s response during abuse, it’s now safe to release it. You do not need to share your experience if you don’t want to. It is, however, important to learn to experience self-compassion and understanding. You nor your body did anything wrong and there is nothing to be ashamed of.

You deserve to experience connection, pleasure, and healing on your own terms. If shame has held you back, consider speaking to a trusted therapist or support group. Healing is possible, and you are worthy of a future free from shame.

If this topic resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Feel free to share your thoughts, ask questions, or simply take in this message at your own pace. You deserve peace and healing.

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Returning to Wholeness Journal Course

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A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
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May 5, 2025
Healing from Childhood Trauma: The Role of Worthiness in Your Journey

The following is a summary with key points of the video.

The Core of Healing: Trusting in Your Worthiness

When we talk about healing from childhood trauma, we often focus on different aspects—setting boundaries, self-care, processing emotions. But at the core of it all is one essential element: worthiness. Without believing in our worthiness, the steps we take toward healing can feel fragile, temporary, or even out of reach.

Healing isn’t just about actions… it’s about the deep, internal shift toward trusting in your worthiness. Many of us don’t consciously think, I am unworthy, but the belief shows up in subtle ways. When we tell ourselves, I don’t deserve good things, or Of course, I messed that up, those thoughts are rooted in a deep-seated sense of unworthiness.

How Unworthiness Manifests in Daily Life

Most of us don’t walk around with the constant thought, I am unworthy. Instead, we experience it through self-doubt, self-criticism, or difficulty accepting care and support. This belief often starts in childhood and is reinforced over time, not necessarily by what happens to us but by the meaning we attach to our experiences.

For example, when something goes wrong—a rejection, a failure, a disappointment—our minds may automatically link it to our worth. I didn’t get the job because I’m not good enough. That relationship ended because I’m unlovable. These thoughts aren’t the truth, but they feel real because they are backed by years of internalized unworthiness.

Healing Practices That Reinforce Worthiness

Healing is not just about undoing past wounds; it’s about connecting and trusting in new, supportive beliefs… the truth of who you are.

Many of the practices you engage in—journaling, mindfulness, practicing authentic connection, and therapy are ways to challenge the old patterns and reinforce your sense of worth.

Even something as simple as journaling can be an act of worthiness. When you allow yourself to express your feelings, fears, and desires, you affirm that your inner world matters. The same goes for setting boundaries, allowing yourself to rest, or seeking support. These actions send a message to yourself: I am worthy of care, love, and healing.

At the same time, we must recognize the ways we unknowingly reinforce unworthiness. Self-judgment, negative self-talk, or dismissing our needs can all keep us stuck in old patterns. Becoming aware of these habits is the first step in breaking free from them.

The Experience of Trusting in Your Worthiness

Believing in your worthiness is not just a thought—it’s an experience. It’s not simply saying, I am worthy, but feeling it in a way that grounds and stabilizes you. It’s the difference between reacting to failure with overwhelming self-doubt and responding with self-compassion.

When you are truly rooted in worthiness, moments of doubt or insecurity don’t consume you. You may still question yourself, but the doubt doesn’t spiral into shame. Instead, you process it, decide if there’s something to learn, and move forward with self-trust.

Healing Is Not About Perfection

A common misconception about healing is that once you’ve done enough work, you’ll never struggle again. But healing doesn’t mean never feeling doubt—it means those doubts don’t control you.

You ~~might~~ will still question yourself. You’ll have moments when unworthiness creeps in. The difference is that, over time, you gain the ability to navigate those moments with resilience and self-compassion. Healing isn’t about never struggling; it’s about knowing that when struggles arise, they don’t define you and you have the ability to within you to return to your more grounded, trusting self.

Healing from childhood trauma is a journey of returning to your inherent worthiness. Everything you’re doing in your healing process is leading you back to that truth. Please keep going. You are worthy and deserving of the freedom that comes from learning to trust in who you’ve always been and all that is possible for you.

Read all blogs here

Returning to Wholeness Journal Course

A journey for survivors of childhood trauma of learning to trust and embody the TRUTH of who you’ve always been.
Learn more

Connecting Within

Guided meditations to help heal mind, body & soul.
Learn more

Sacred Boundaries

A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
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April 28, 2025
The Connection Between Social Anxiety and Childhood Trauma
The following is a summary with key points of the video.

How Are Social Anxiety and Childhood Trauma Connected?

Social anxiety can make everyday interactions feel overwhelming. If you’ve struggled with childhood trauma, you may notice that social situations can trigger self-doubt, fear, discomfort, or even panic. But why does this happen? And how does childhood trauma shape the way we experience social anxiety?

Understanding this connection is important for healing… and just feeling better. When we recognize the deeper roots of our fears, we can begin to shift our responses and find new ways to feel safe and confident in social settings.

The Fear Behind Social Anxiety

Social anxiety isn’t just about feeling nervous in social situations—it often stems from a deep fear of being judged, criticized, or seen in a way that makes us feel exposed. For survivors of childhood trauma, these fears can be even more intense.

When you’ve experienced trauma, especially in childhood, your brain and body learn to be on high alert. You may unconsciously expect rejection or disapproval, even if there’s no real evidence that others are judging you. This is because trauma can create deeply ingrained beliefs about yourself—beliefs like “I’m not good enough,” “I’m unworthy,” or “People won’t accept me.” These thoughts can lead to intense self-consciousness and make social interactions feel unsafe.

The Role of Shame and Core Beliefs

At the heart of social anxiety is often shame—the belief that something is fundamentally wrong with us. Trauma teaches us to see ourselves through a distorted lens, one that magnifies our perceived flaws and minimizes our worth.

If you’ve ever avoided social situations because you worried about how others would perceive you, it’s likely that shame played a role. Even if these fears aren’t fully conscious, they influence how we approach relationships and the world around us.

Why Social Anxiety Feels So Overwhelming

When you anticipate social interactions, your nervous system responds as if you’re in danger. Your heart might race, your stomach might tighten, and your mind may spiral with anxious thoughts. This physiological response reinforces the idea that social situations are threatening, even when they aren’t.

For some, this can even lead to panic attacks before leaving the house. The fear becomes so automatic that your body reacts before you’ve even stepped into a social setting. But here’s the important part: this response isn’t based on reality—it’s based on old programming and beliefs from trauma and what it made you believe about who you are and what to expect from the world, and those in it.

Healing Social Anxiety by Addressing Trauma

If social anxiety stems from deep-seated fears and beliefs, then healing means changing those beliefs. This doesn’t happen overnight, but with intentional effort, it’s possible to rewire how you think and feel in social situations. Here’s how:
- Recognize false beliefs: Challenge the idea that others are judging you or that you’re not good enough. These are old narratives, not present-day truths.
- Practice exposure with awareness: Gradually put yourself in social situations while staying mindful of your internal reactions. Notice when your fear isn’t based on reality.
- Reprogram your nervous system: Techniques like deep breathing, grounding exercises, and self-compassion can help your body feel safer in social settings.
- Work on self-trust: Trauma impacts your ability to trust both yourself and others. Learning to trust your own judgment and worth can make social interactions less intimidating.
Moving Forward with Confidence

Healing from social anxiety isn’t just about managing symptoms—it’s about shifting the way you see yourself and the world. As you work on addressing the root causes, social situations may start to feel less threatening. You deserve to feel at ease, to connect with others, and to experience life without the constant fear of judgment.

If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Healing is possible, and every step you take toward understanding and reprogramming your beliefs is a step toward freedom.

Read all blogs here

Returning to Wholeness Journal Course

A journey for survivors of childhood trauma of learning to trust and embody the TRUTH of who you’ve always been.
Learn more

Connecting Within

Guided meditations to help heal mind, body & soul.
Learn more

Sacred Boundaries

A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
Learn more
April 21, 2025
Healing Sexual Shame: Reconnecting with Your Body After Trauma
The following is a summary with key points of the video.

Understanding Sexual Shame After Trauma

Sexuality is a deeply personal and complex aspect of who we are. But for survivors of childhood sexual trauma, it can be layered with deep shame, confusion, and disconnection. If you’ve ever felt discomfort, avoidance, or even self-blame when it comes to sex and intimacy, you’re not alone. Healing sexual shame is a crucial part of reclaiming yourself and your body.

The shame that develops from sexual trauma is often rooted in early experiences, even before any physical violation occurs. Grooming behaviors, inappropriate comments, the way someone looked at you, and the messages (both subtle and overt) that come from media often plant the first seeds of discomfort and self-doubt. Over time, these experiences shape the way survivors view their bodies, relationships, and their very sense of self and self-worth.

How Shame Influences Sexuality and Healing

Shame resulting from sexual trauma manifests in many ways. Some survivors struggle with hypersexuality, using sex as a means of coping, while others disconnect from their sexuality entirely. Neither response is wrong—both are ways the nervous system tries to survive and make sense of past experiences. But no matter how it presents, shame often makes it difficult to feel safe in your own body.

For those who disclosed their abuse and received support early on, shame may be less pervasive. However, for those who were not believed, silenced, or left without validation, the impact tends to be deeper. Survivors often internalize the belief that their needs, desires, and boundaries don’t matter—an ingrained lesson from the abuse itself. This makes healing sexual shame a layered, delicate process that requires self-compassion and intentional healing work.

Can You Reconnect with Your Body After Trauma?

The short answer is yes. While healing sexual shame takes time, it is absolutely possible to rebuild a sense of safety, connection, and even pleasure within your body. Healing doesn’t always require revisiting every painful detail of the past. In fact, many aspects of healing unfold naturally through broader trauma recovery work.

That said, if certain memories or experiences repeatedly surface as evidence of why you feel ashamed, those may need to be addressed more directly. Shame thrives in secrecy, and speaking about these experiences—whether with a trusted therapist or in a safe, supportive space—can be a powerful step toward release.

Steps Toward Healing Sexual Shame
1. Acknowledge the Shame Without Judgment
  Recognizing the shame you carry is the first step in loosening its grip. Instead of avoiding or suppressing it, allow yourself to acknowledge it with curiosity and self-compassion.
2. Reconnect with Your Desires
  Healing sexual shame isn’t about having to undo the past; it’s about discovering what you want now. Take time to reflect on what intimacy, connection, and pleasure mean to you—without the influence of past trauma.
3. Cultivate Safety in Your Body
  Grounding techniques, somatic practices, and mindful self-touch (even non-sexual) can help rebuild trust between you and your body.
4. Seek Support from the Right People
  Not everyone will understand your experience, and that’s okay. Finding a childhood trauma therapist or a community of survivors can provide the validation and understanding needed for healing.
You Are Not Broken—You Are Healing

Healing sexual shame is a journey, but it is one worth taking. You deserve to feel safe, connected, and at peace with your body. While the process takes time, every step you take brings you closer to reclaiming your sexuality on your terms.

Have you faced shame around your body or sexuality? Share your thoughts in the comments below—your voice matters, and you are not alone.

Read all blogs here

Returning to Wholeness Journal Course

A journey for survivors of childhood trauma of learning to trust and embody the TRUTH of who you’ve always been.
Learn more

Connecting Within

Guided meditations to help heal mind, body & soul.
Learn more

Sacred Boundaries

A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
Learn more
April 14, 2025
Understanding Childhood Trauma Coping Mechanisms: Denial, Avoidance, Minimization, and Rationalization

The following is a summary with key points of the video.

Recognizing Childhood Trauma Coping Mechanisms

Coping mechanisms develop as a means of survival, especially for those who have experienced childhood trauma. While these responses may have been essential in early life, they can create challenges in adulthood, particularly in relationships. Understanding these patterns is the first step toward healing.

This post explores four primary childhood trauma coping mechanisms: denial, avoidance, minimization, and rationalization. These behaviors, while once protective, can hinder emotional growth and self-acceptance. Recognizing them allows survivors to move toward self-compassion and healing.

Denial: Rejecting the Impact of Trauma

Denial manifests in different ways. Some individuals outright reject that their abuse occurred, while others deny its impact. A survivor might acknowledge past abuse but convince themselves that it “doesn’t affect them” or that “they’re over it” because they it happened so long ago.

This form of self-protection can be invalidating. The reality is that trauma leaves lasting effects, and dismissing it prevents genuine healing. Recognizing the full impact of trauma is a crucial step toward self-validation and growth.

Avoidance: Pushing Away Painful Emotions

Avoidance is one of the most common trauma responses. It involves steering clear of feelings, memories, or anything that might trigger emotional discomfort. While avoiding pain may seem like a relief, it often results in emotional disconnection—from both oneself and others.

A major consequence of avoidance is the inability to fully experience positive emotions. By numbing pain, joy and connection also become dulled. Moreover, avoiding emotions prevents survivors from processing their trauma, making deep healing impossible. Allowing ourselves to face and accept these emotions fosters self-compassion and healing.

Minimization: Downplaying the Trauma

Minimization often appears as comparisons: “It only happened once,” or “Other people had it worse.” This mindset can make survivors feel like they have no right to their pain, reinforcing shame and self-doubt.

Minimization prevents full acknowledgment of trauma’s impact. Healing begins when survivors allow themselves to validate their experiences without comparison. Trauma, no matter its form or duration, has profound effects—and every survivor’s pain is valid and deserving of healing.

Rationalization: Making Excuses for the Abuser

Rationalization shifts responsibility away from the abuser. Common thoughts include, “They were abused too,” “They were struggling,” or “They didn’t mean to hurt me.” While understanding an abuser’s background can provide context, it does not excuse harm.

Survivors also rationalize the inaction of bystanders—those who knew but did nothing. Believing that caregivers “did their best” or “had their own struggles” can make it harder to hold them accountable for their lack of protection.

Rationalization can prevent survivors from feeling justified in their emotions, particularly anger and grief. Acknowledging that harm was done, regardless of intent, is a vital step in reclaiming personal truth and healing.

Breaking Free from Childhood Trauma Coping Mechanisms

Healing begins with awareness. Recognizing these coping mechanisms allows survivors to make intentional choices about their emotional well-being. While these behaviors once served a purpose, they no longer have to dictate one’s life.

Self-compassion is key. There is no shame in using coping mechanisms; they were developed for survival. But in adulthood, healing means learning to validate pain, face emotions, and release self-blame. Seeking support, whether through therapy, community, or personal reflection, can help survivors move forward with strength and self-acceptance.

What coping mechanisms have you recognized in yourself? Share your thoughts in the comments below. Your experience is valid, and your healing journey matters.

Read all blogs here

Returning to Wholeness Journal Course

A journey for survivors of childhood trauma of learning to trust and embody the TRUTH of who you’ve always been.
Learn more

Connecting Within

Guided meditations to help heal mind, body & soul.
Learn more

Sacred Boundaries

A journey of honoring heart, mind, body & soul. Boundaries are hard. This course will help you recognize what you need and how to move through the obstacles keeping you from implementing it.
Learn more

April 7, 2025